Navelgazing Midwife has a blog I follow and she posted a topic today that I find simple fascinating. Apparently, there is a condition known as Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex (D-mer) that causes some women to have intensely negative feelings when their milk is letdown and all throughout the feeding process. Can you imagine a new Mother with her first child, who is already struggling to adjust to her new life and little one, only to have this extra situation piled on? These poor women, and I am curious to see if this is corelated with PPD and a more difficult bonding between Mother and Child.
“The birth was a fairytale and my babymoon was like a dream. Then the babymoon came to an abrupt end as I started to find that just before my milk released, each and every time, I had an overwhelming sensation of guilt, dread and horror. I didn't have any pain, no physical problems, just a surge of negative emotions that hit me in the gut out of nowhere, only to fade away a few moments after my milk released from my breast. I felt great otherwise.”
“I asked myself if maybe it was postnatal depression, but that didn’t sit right. I was actually elated to have birthed at home and to have had such a great experience. Maybe I was coming down from that high? I wasn’t sure. At first the bad feelings were like an intuition, that something really bad was about to happen. There was nothing I could put my finger on, but I had been trying so hard to tune into my intuition over the final weeks of pregnancy and during labour, I thought I was somehow now psychic and that bad things were about to happen to me, the kids, my husband, the house. Once I even hobbled out of bed to check my older son, not really sure why, but so sure that something was wrong.”
This is fascinating. And is a testament that even someone like me who reads nearly everything she can find on birth and nursing, there are still black holes of knowledge that need filling. I wrote in Facebook:
“It's when topics like this come up... a very, very important link in the birth process... that I've never heard of before that keeps me humble as all get out. You all see only a part of what I read on a daily basis and... for goodness sake,... I was a La Leche League leader for 10 years! I just cannot believe I've never heard of this.
And yes! When I take this new color to the breastfeeding spectrum and hold it up against the misunderstood or confusing situations I've seen over the last almost 3 decades, some of them make perfect sense. As Erin said, ‘I never understood why some women said they hated breastfeeding... now I get it.’
And, beside the humbling aspects, this also serves as a GLARING reminder of the massive amounts of information still yet to be ‘discovered’ and named and studied... experiences women right next to us... or even ourselves... have no explanation for that, if we had the future knowledge, might change the entire relationship with our bodies/our breasts/our babies/our partners/our minds.
I hope this information resonates with any of you that might not have heard of D-Mer either.
I passed Exam 2 after stressing out about it for two weeks. I am so glad that is over with! I've also already taken the open book exam covering chapters 44 and 45, which luckily I did well in. Now to move forward and prepare for Exams 3a and 3b...only 6 more exams and a few homeworks to go and I'll be finished with this class.
At some point I really need to work on my Midwifery paper or my partner is going to beat me. Perhaps I'll do that tonight or tomorrow after Andrew comes home.
Ugh. Remind me why I thought going to grad school was a good idea :S
Disclaimer: After having my brain melt over school, I have apparently lost the ability to form proper sentences and follow grammatical rules. You're stuck with this because I am too tired to change it ;)
So as I am sitting here getting ready to listen to my most recent Elluminate session (online class lecture), I realize that I had completely forgotten to listen to the one covering my last exam. No wonder I did so poorly on it!
...I guess the only positive thought I could take from this is that now I have more insight as to what happened with that last exam and what else I can do for my future ones. What a harsh lesson though. :(
I just received a great email that I'm posting here so I can remember it whenever I'm feeling discouraged :)
Hey girl! I know you had been having a lot going on over the past couple of weeks. I hope that all is going better. It has been very overwhelming to work full time, school full time, and have a family....adding sickness for both yourself and your little doesn't help. Keep your head up and moving forward..you are so strong and your desire to succeed will help you get through it. I am keeping you in my prayers and just wanted you to know that I was thinking about you.. Love, J
Ugh, these last couple of weeks have been a complete blur. I came down with the norovirus and a bad URI/influenza/plague that knocked me off of my feet for a couple days. Then of course Allie came down with it and had a fever for several days, which one time resulted in us taking her to the hospital because it was 105.1 rectally. Then she continued to have the coughing/sneezing/wheezing nonsense and was just overall not a happy camper. Pretty stressful time for the Bowers fam.
Of course I tried to continue to keep up with my homework and so I took an exam in Pathophysiology (Exam 1b). Which I failed. Hard. That resulted in a couple conversations with my instructor and advisor, and then I had to fill out a student learning plan basically outlining what the problem was and my plan to fix it. Fun times all around.
So now I've been working on the study guide for Exam 2 for two weeks now and I'm scared to take the exam for fear that I will fail again. My self-esteem is pretty much shot with this class, even though I got a 96 on the first exam. (Seriously, who follows up a 96 with a failure?)
So that's where I am now. Oh and my midwifery class? Haven't thought about that in almost 2 weeks because of Pathophysiology! ;)